How-To "Defend" Your Parenting Style to the Ones You LoveJun 21, 2021
Do you ever feel yourself defending your parenting style to the ones you love? Having to explain all of your choices and the reasons behind them?
Creating boundaries with the ones we love may be one of the toughest parts of being an adult. Holding your beliefs above everyone else's is never easy but becomes even more complicated when we fear insulting the ones who raised us. We often hear the defense "Our generation was raised this way and we turned out alright.", but to you maybe "alright" isn't good enough. Our world has completely changed in the last 10 years so it is unreasonable to think that we could raise our children the same way we were raised. That world simply does not exist anymore.
It is understanding that our families may become offended by our polar opposite parenting style, feeling like we see them as somehow less than, but in reality it is not that personal. Think about this quote from Maya Angelou "Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better do better." Our parents did the best they could with what they knew. Now we must continue that gift and give our children the best we can with what we have learned. We are raising children in an online world and that alone comes with all new challenges and boundaries. On top of that we have new research in social/emotional development and what that looks like for children as well as how to build those skills. If we now have all the tools to give our children the best start possible, don't we owe it to them to "do better"?
So how do we communicate and "defend" our new parenting style in a way that seems less offensive and personal to our loved ones?
- Simply put, you explain that you are making parenting choices that you feel are the best for your children, using a combination of what you have learned and your intuition as their parent. Boundaries can be extremely tough to hold, but they become much more difficult when you are holding boundaries of those around you instead of boundaries that align with who you are as the parent.
- If you feel that the above option will still spark further questioning and opinions, you can try something close to "Thank you for being concerned about my child, I know you truly love them and want what is best for them. I will take what you have said into consideration." and of course in the end you will make the decision YOU feel is best and one that aligns with YOUR boundaries.
Remember you know your child best and are the exact parent your child needs. Making choices that are in their best interest not the interest of pleasing those around you or looking "good" on social media!
I help committed parents of children age 1 to 10 move from questioning their parenting to being the confident parent they are meant to be. I do this through 1:1 coaching sessions and a G.R.E.A.T. Parenting Membership.
If you are struggling to find and hold your own boundaries specific to your families needs, book your FREE discovery call me HERE!